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At times, Jay Spring believes he is “unmatched in his abilities”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his periods of extreme self-importance frequently escalate into “really delusional”, he explains. “You are on cloud nine and you think, ‘The world will recognize that I’m better than them … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are often coming after a “crash”, during which he feels overwhelmed and embarrassed about his conduct, making him especially susceptible to criticism from others. He began to think he might have NPD after looking up his traits on the internet – and was later confirmed by a specialist. But, he is skeptical he would have taken the label without having independently formed that understanding personally. “If you try to tell somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – particularly if they experience beliefs of dominance. “They’re in a delusional world that they’ve built up. And within that framework, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining The Condition

Though people have been identified with narcissism for more than a century, definitions vary what is meant by the diagnosis. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” states a psychology professor, adding the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he suggests many people conceal it, due to significant negative perception associated with the disorder. A narcissist will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a strategy of using people to bolster one’s self-esteem through actions such as displaying material goods,” the expert explains. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Gender Differences in NPD Presentation

Although up to 75% of people found to have narcissistic personality disorder are men, studies indicates this figure does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that narcissism in women is more often presented in the covert form, which is under-identified. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be somewhat tolerated, similar to everything in society,” explains an individual who shares content on her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on online channels. It’s fairly common, the two disorders appear together.

First-Hand Experiences

It’s hard for me with handling criticism and not being accepted,” she says, whenever it’s suggested that the issue lies with me, I either go into a defensive state or I withdraw entirely.” Although experiencing this behavior – which is often called “narcissistic injury”, she has been working to manage it and accept input from her support system, as she doesn’t want to slip into the negative conduct of her previous life. I used to be manipulative to my partners during adolescence,” she states. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she explains she and her significant other “operate with an understanding where we’ve agreed, ‘If I say something messed up, when I use toxic language, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood mainly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have supportive figures as a child. I’ve had to teach myself over the years what is suitable or harmful to say when arguing because it wasn’t modeled for me in my formative years,” she comments. Every insult was fair game when my relatives were belittling me during my childhood.”

Root Causes of Narcissistic Traits

Personality disorders tend to be associated with childhood challenges. “There is a genetic component,” explains an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “linked to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he adds, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting specific standards. They then “persist in applying those identical strategies as adults”.

Similar to other of the individuals with NPD, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The 38-year-old says when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve high marks and career success, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “good enough”.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships ever worked out. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he states. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He didn’t think loving someone, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, in a comparable situation, struggles with emotional regulation. She is “really understanding of the internal struggles in my head”, he notes – it was actually she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

Following an appointment to his GP, John was referred to a clinical psychologist for an evaluation and was given the NPD label. He has been recommended for therapeutic sessions via government-funded care (a long period of therapy is the primary approach that has been proven effective NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the patient queue for a year and a half: “They said it is likely to occur maybe February or March next year.”

John has only told a handful of people about his NPD diagnosis, because “there’s a big stigma that all narcissists are abusers”, but, in his own mind, he has come to terms with it. “It helps me to comprehend my actions, which is positive,” he explains. All of the people have acknowledged their condition and are looking for support for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the disorder. But the growth of individuals sharing their stories and the development of digital groups point to {more narcissists|a growing number